There was an interesting turn of events after my breakup. See, while my world was completely turned upside down…all of the sudden everyone else around me had their love lives fall into place. Suddenly, friends who I’d always known as single now had boyfriends. And friends who had always had a beau, were now getting married.
Whether you’ve been with a person for a week, month, or (like me) years, you will undoubtedly jump to baby-making ideas. I don’t mean in the fun way either. No, you will not simply think about sex, you will be thinking about legit. baby. making. Would he be a good father? Would he be a good husband? Could I see myself having a future with this person? It’s not like I ever wanted to have these premature thoughts. I would pay good money to really feel as cool as a cucumber. But from the ancient times of berry picking and cave dwelling, women have it ingrained into us to be on the look out for longevity, NOT short-term sperm donations.
After being dumped, the idea of someone else having found that longevity was probably one of the most painful things a newly-single person can experience. Once upon a time, I had been excited for the happy couple and was anxiously awaiting the wedding invite. Now? I was thinking of how I could get out of attending.
I like to think that most of my days post-breakup had been pretty good. Yes, there was pain and loss, but my head and my heart knew I would be okay and ultimately my break-up was for the best. But nothing could have prepared me for when my friend’s bridal shower arrived (less than two weeks after my heart was stomped on). At 22 years old, I have no realistic interest or need to get married anytime soon and yet knowing that someone else my age had seemingly found the love of their life sent me into a panic.
What did this result in? A morning of tears that took me by surprise. The horrible thing was that I didn’t even miss my ex as a person. Yes, we had good times and that’s always a little hard to think about. But more than anything else, I just missed having someone and the feeling that I was headed in the direction I thought I was meant to go in. And it hurt to feel like that was taken from me and someone else was getting to obtain it. Is it selfish? Oh absolutely. Self-centered? Duh. Not to mention, a clear sign that my ex wasn’t the one for me…since I was more conflicted over the loss of my future wedded bliss than the groom himself.
Ultimately, your friends will always be around longer than most of your relationships. Even if I found the love of my life tomorrow, there would still be days where he wasn’t perfect. Maybe even days wondering if being with this person was the right decision. There will always be days where you need a friend more than a spouse.
And today, one of those friends was headed towards marriage. So feeling like gum on the bottom of someone’s shoe, I sucked it up. I took countless bathroom breaks just to cry alone in peace without distracting from the day. I drank three way-too-strong screwdrivers just to feel like smiling again. Because there will be a day, probably very soon, when you do feel happy again post-breakup and post-loss. Whether its tomorrow or a year from now, it’ll be nice to have that friend by your side. Today is not your day . . . and that’s okay.
In the words of Mindy Kaling,
“Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss, and pretend to be psyched.”
Yes sensei Mindy, yes you do.